Lately I’ve been feeling better about myself. I’m kind of accepting myself for who I am. My confidence went up a little because of some events; all of which occurred in the Windward side of Oahu. Today wasn’t a great day overall, but due to enrolling to another school a lot of medical stuff had to go down. They were all in the town area. I wore a cute maroon spring dress and tied a portion of my hair up since it was all I could do due to a recent hair stylist fuck up. I felt pretty good about myself. I even slapped a little makeup on to enhance my confidence a bit. 

When I arrived at the University’s health center, there was a girl from the same class as me in high school that I haven’t seen in ages. I don’t like seeing people from high school. Everytime I see them I feel like I can’t change from who I was before. Like they’re always judging me. She gave me this look, maybe it was all in my head, regardless I felt my confidence shatter. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m on my period that my emotions curled, but I couldn’t help but cry. Because of the crying the makeup got all fucked up and I furthered my ugliness. I didn’t want to be in town anymore. 

No one except a childhood friend lives in the Windward side. I guess it’s good that I’m going to WCC instead of KCC. I really want to be confident and strong. But most times I just break down. I’m so weak and I hate it. I hate crying about things like this. Why does it bother me so much? I shouldn’t care what other people think, they’re just jealous. I guess it’s because I can’t stand people laughing at me, and me not being able to do anything about it. It really makes me feel very lonely…

until you lied to me.